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Someone who mentors kids asked the question: What are the best ways to build self confidence in a pre-teen?

As I pondered a response to the question and began formulating a list in my mind I saw that it was the qualities of the heart that would lead the way… but of course! The spiritual heart or the heart chakra is where the ascended balance states of being live. These states neutralize or balance polarity and hold a higher vibration than the polarized either/or states of the lower mind, and they are intrinsically imbued with love. 

The wisdom of the heart comes through intuitively when we choose our words and actions from fourth dimensional love, rather than third dimensional polarized power. So whether we are mentoring a student or just living life and having relationships in a polarized world, we can create unity in our consciousness simply by naming and beginning to actualize the higher vibrational states in our lives.

The ascended balance states include acceptance, compassion, generosity, patience and selflessness, among many others. In my response to this mentor I saw that it was the heart-centered states of respect, humility, presence, honesty, and authenticity, along with an overall attitude of flexibility and non-attachment that would foster growth in a student, allowing them to find their own way through the lesson or task. So, specifically, my recommendation to build self-esteem in a pre-teen was:

  • Avoid acting from a position of authority with the student; that’s already implicit in the relationship. Respect them for who they are and meet them from a place of humility.
  • Look for opportunities to allow the student to express themselves and invite them to share their ideas and feelings. Be a present and attentive listener.
  • Set the student up for success with clearly defined goals. Break down larger overarching goals into smaller achievable increments. Remain flexible.
  • Make a commitment to always offer honest feedback to the student. Look for opportunities to praise, but keep it authentic. Praise when not genuinely earned may boost the ego temporarily, but may inhibit emotional resiliency in the long term in face of the ups and downs of life.
  • Avoid criticism in favor of constructive feedback. Offer options and suggestions rather than answers, allowing the student to find their own way to a satisfactory outcome. 

A popular quote attributed to Robert Frost comes to mind here:

“I am not a teacher, but an awakener.”

When we commit to the awakening heart in our mentoring relationship and in life in general we invite Spirit to lead the way, where the light of unity consciousness can work its magic.

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As we approach our winter solstice this year, and as the dark turns to light, let us consciously tune into the subtle energies and the descent of Grace that naturally bless us. We can sense it in meditation, in nature, or simply in quiet times if we make space for it. Gently breath into your crown chakra at the top of your head and open to the golden effulgent light that is specially showered upon us this time of year. Allow it to fill you up, washing away any shadow or negativity. Feel how it uplifts you and connects you to your heart. 

The spiritual heart at the center of our chest is a doorway into an ascended state of being. Its overarching vibration is of love; yes, romantic love lives here, but also so many subtler vibrations that uplift us and invite us to connect with others. For example, the spiritual heart shows us the way to acceptance and compassion. Allow your attention to rest there at the center of your chest and open to these ascended states of mind. Feel any resistance in your heart melt as you are uplifted and brought nearer to your essential divine nature. Breathe deeply into this wellspring of love and light.

Forgiveness, generosity, gratitude and humility also emanate from the spiritual heart. On the cusp of a new year, who in your life is awaiting your forgiveness? Can you let go of the pain and resentment and open your heart to them once again? Allow Grace to support you as you surrender your withholdings and heal the broken heart. Begin the coming year anew with a unification so that you both may be cleansed and loved once again. 

In your giving and receiving this time of year (and always) allow Grace and the open heart to guide you. Can you give generously and selflessly, especially to those in need? And can you accept what is given to you with humility and gratitude? Can you be thankful not only for any gifts, but for the beauty of felt connection and the fullness of heart that comes with that?

Joy, too, lives in the heart. Let this sacred and sweet time of year bring you joy. Choose how you spend your time mindfully. Will you be uplifted by your choices or will they feel like a burden, weighing you down emotionally and physically. Use your free will to choose to raise your vibration through your choices moment by moment. Grace will surely meet you there, and then some. 

Lastly, take your light and your joy with you into the new year. This fragmented world desperately needs the healing that comes with the open heart. Together may we seed the world with a higher unifying vibration carried on the wings of love.