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Someone who mentors kids asked the question: What are the best ways to build self confidence in a pre-teen?

As I pondered a response to the question and began formulating a list in my mind I saw that it was the qualities of the heart that would lead the way… but of course! The spiritual heart or the heart chakra is where the ascended balance states of being live. These states neutralize or balance polarity and hold a higher vibration than the polarized either/or states of the lower mind, and they are intrinsically imbued with love. 

The wisdom of the heart comes through intuitively when we choose our words and actions from fourth dimensional love, rather than third dimensional polarized power. So whether we are mentoring a student or just living life and having relationships in a polarized world, we can create unity in our consciousness simply by naming and beginning to actualize the higher vibrational states in our lives.

The ascended balance states include acceptance, compassion, generosity, patience and selflessness, among many others. In my response to this mentor I saw that it was the heart-centered states of respect, humility, presence, honesty, and authenticity, along with an overall attitude of flexibility and non-attachment that would foster growth in a student, allowing them to find their own way through the lesson or task. So, specifically, my recommendation to build self-esteem in a pre-teen was:

• Avoid acting from a position of authority with the student; that’s already implicit in the relationship. Respect them for who they are and meet them from a place of humility.
• Look for opportunities to allow the student to express themselves and invite them to share their ideas and feelings. Be a present and attentive listener.
• Set the student up for success with clearly defined goals. Break down larger overarching goals into smaller achievable increments. Remain flexible.
• Make a commitment to always offer honest feedback to the student. Look for opportunities to praise, but keep it authentic. Praise when not genuinely earned may boost the ego temporarily, but may inhibit emotional resiliency in the long term in face of the ups and downs of life.
• Avoid criticism in favor of constructive feedback. Offer options and suggestions rather than answers, allowing the student to find their own way to a satisfactory outcome. 

A popular quote attributed to Robert Frost comes to mind here:

“I am not a teacher, but an awakener.”

When we commit to the awakening heart in our mentoring relationship and in life in general we invite Spirit to lead the way, where the light of unity consciousness can work its magic.