In my mentoring work we often address issues of self-esteem. Fundamental to the structure of the human ego is the polarity of worthy and worthless, so at some point we all must grapple with the teeter-totter of emotions this polarity elicits. The question that most often comes up is “How do I stop putting myself down and boost my self-esteem and confidence?”

The simplest solution I can share is to believe in yourself! I know, easier said, than done! But these deeply conditioned beliefs about yourself being less than and inferior were imprinted in childhood and are not true. If growing up we did not feel validated by our caregivers (parents, teachers etc.), and, particularly, if we were criticized repeatedly, we did not develop a healthy self-esteem, imprinting a sense of inadequacy. Over time we internalize that critical voice, and putting ourselves down becomes an unconscious habit or program (much like a computer program) with a life of its own!

The truth is inherent in our essential nature we each have untapped potential waiting to be realized… if we only had the eyes to see it! Fortunately, there is something we can do to sharpen our vision. This involves three steps 1.Witnessing . 2. Detaching 3. Affirming

Begin to Witness, or become aware of, your negative self-talk and scolding. By developing a witness to the program/habit it no longer operates unconsciously. When we make it conscious we are withdrawing its power over us. The next step is to Detach from it by reminding yourself that these limiting thoughts come from your childhood conditioning and they are not who you are! Finally, Affirm what is true about you beyond what this critical inner voice is telling you.This important step is about reprogramming the subconscious mind. You can say something like “I am whole and complete just as I am with my own unique potential.” Then, let this become your mantra.

Do these three steps each time your inner critic rears its unwanted head! Because you are reprogramming your consciousness by detaching from your negative thought-steam the grip it has over you will diminish over time. Gradually, your eyes will begin to open to the possibility that there is more to you than you have been seeing, and you will discover a new inner spaciousness. In this spaciousness you will begin to view the challenges in your life from a more balanced and less polarized perspective. You will begin to accept negative experiences without self-judgement and to learn from them. The courage to take on new projects will follow, and with your successes you will begin to develop faith and trust in your own innate abilities and new-found potential. Your formerly elusive self-confidence will begin to take hold and go and grow from here.

[For more on this topic see the post “Seeing Through Worthlessness” on this blog]