A student wrote this to me the other day:

“I am looking at my patterning around ‘subservient woman’ and losing my power, playing small etc., as opposed to my fear of the powerful male…. It is as if the egoic patterning brings confusion to what is real, especially around male and female balance. I don’t even know what a balanced male and female is… I would like some clarity around this as it feels like it is holding me back.”

Here is my reply and a bit more:

The polarity of Dominance and Subservience you describe is huge in this world. In fact, ‘power over’ has been business as usual for the last 5,000 years! Polarities held in the mind and emotions are imbalances, and they are an inseparable pair. They are part of the dual nature of this world, and we can’t have one without the other. When we identify with one side, in your case, the subservient woman, the dominant side is still present but it lies unseen in the unconscious mind. What resides in the unconscious is projected out and will be mirrored to us by someone who will act out that unowned energy for us. Men as dominating authority figures show up in your life because you have denied that this energy exists in you.

Each of us, irrespective of gender, has access to both yang/male and yin/female energies. The male energy is action oriented and outwardly directed, but in its distorted form as it passes through the uncleared ego can out-picture as a dominating or controlling energy. The female energy is passive, inward and receptive, and in its extreme can become timid and submissive. On the journey to our wholeness we must acknowledge and honor the inherent and sacred power of both our masculine and feminine sides and bring them into balance.

A little self-inquiry is required here. Begin by asking yourself, “How do I do this dominating energy sometimes too? Where am I in a position of authority where I might sometimes abuse my power by wielding it in a dominating or over-powering way. With my kids? With my dog or cat? With my employees?” Can’t seem to find it? How about when you swat and kill that fly that just won’t stop bothering you? It’s the same energy! The integration and healing comes by uncovering all the ways (some of them may be very subtle) you use this dominating behavior and owning them. As you choose to to let them go, you naturally allow space for the healing, receptive and compassionate energy of the feminine to flow through and to guide your actions.

When we are functioning from a balanced male and female energy, the out-going male energy is tempered by the receptive female energy, and the power to affect positive change in any situation arises out of this balance. For your immediate situation, your relationships will begin to change and men who are more balanced and who are not dominating and controlling will show up for you. And wouldn’t that be a welcome change?

And wouldn’t this be a wonderful world!