A common theme with people I mentor concerns the challenges that they’re having with a boss, co-worker, or landlord etc. There is a blaming of the other for causing their unrest and unhappiness. The simple truth that I share with them is this: There is no “other”. There is no one outside of you doing something to you. It’s all you!


As you might imagine this information is met with incredulity and, more often, out right denial. “How could this possible be?”, they say. “They’re standing there in the flesh and blood expressing an opposing point of view and arguing with me!”

Life is a play of consciousness. We create our own reality by the level of consciousness that we hold. When our consciousness is balanced and in integrity, or undivided, the world reflects that back us. Life is smooth and easy, and a faith is born in us that we are always supported. When consciousness is divided, that division is mirrored to us by the people who show up in our lives. The appearance of someone “outside” of you doing something to you is just that – an appearance. Yes, they have body and an objective life of their own, but what you are seeing and objecting to in their behavior is what has been denied and unowned in you. We unconsciously manifest the difficult people in our lives through our own divided and polarized consciousness in a process called projection.

We have both a conscious and an unconscious mind. The unconscious holds all that we cannot see about ourselves, and it has both negative and positive aspects. Because we have not owned these energies by making them conscious we unwittingly project them out of ourselves. These projections are energy flows that hold an electromagnetic charge (because of their inherently polarized nature) that lives in our aura and which someone with a similar pattern will pick up (unconsciously, of course!) and mirror back to us.

Truly, there is never anyone to blame for our problems because they originate with us, in our own unconscious mind. Nor must we blame ourselves for being unconscious in the first place. It is this journey through unconsciousness that each soul has taken on this lifetime, and if we can meet it courageously with love and compassion, we can change our world. In fact, we can change the world! For what we see in the world at large is, yet, a greater, collective manifestation of our inner energetic configuration and level of consciousness.










How do we do this? How do we own what is seemingly outside of us as us? When someone shows up in your life who is controlling and dominating, for instance, you must ask yourself how you use this same energy: How do I use control and domination with others? Because we are unconscious to it, our first reaction is “no way, that’s not me; I don’t do that!” But you must look more deeply by accepting the spiritual principle that everything outside of us is a mirror of our own unconscious self and ask yourself: In what way, even little bit, do I control and dominate? Take look at family members or other close friends. Do you ever recall using this same energy, however subtly? If you can, by making what was unconscious conscious and choosing to change you are on your way to clearing this hidden pattern. And by doing so your life, the people in it as well as your circumstances, will begin to reflect that integration. The people who show up in your life will be more balanced, flexible and heart-centered because you have found that same place inside of you.

If you would like some help making the unconscious conscious in your life, please let me know. A new, lighter  – and light-filled – version of yourself is waiting on the other side!